It came undone.

Where am i.

2005-04-04T03:02:00.000-07:00

Grabeh.

I freakin' forgot my username.

Seriously.

Even though its been 2 months since I last updated, thank-g i wrote it down in one of my notebooks or else this blog would be one of the many blogs that will be lost forever.

****

Dear Pope,

Its no doubt that people love you.
People trusted you for guidance.
They felt safe in you presence.
And they love you deeply.

When you went here in manila, I'm sorry to say that I was "innocent"-ly retarded. Oblivious to the fact of who you are and the gravity of who you represent, my mind was elsewhere- floating away to a world that I call my own.
I was 9 yrs old when you visited.

My head swam of jolens, candies and friends all the time. It was obvious to everyone which I chose best because even the sound of THE POPE and the constant news advisories that keeps popping like unwanted pop-up ads wasn't able to budge me one bit.
Blame it to the childish mind.
But as I grew older, I realized what your job meant. I also realized that living in a world where corruption and fraud was evident in the people who are suppose to guide us, you remained peaceful and clean.
And now, as your body lays lifeless for all the world to see, it's a sad reality that you left us behind. But then again, the time has come the Lord asked you back.

May your soul be embraced with warmth, not only from the Lord's welcoming embrace but also from the memories that will linger forever in our memory.

****

Went to eastwood with cams last saturday to watch mojofly.
Mojofly is my current Moonstar88.
Although not one of the band memebers know me but knows i exist (i think.. but i'll get there.), I had fun.

Okay I confess.

I'm currently crushing on Ali Alejandro.
And thanks to cams, HE knows I'm alive.

Ohyeah.

What happened to individualism? scratched, erased and burned.

2005-01-29T07:03:00.000-08:00

I just want to say that I'm in a lot of stress, my back hurts and im hating the new layout of tabulas. So im leaving my tabulas and will officially blog here.

***

I want something to happen, but i don't know what. I want to experience something life changing, but im not sure when.
I want to do something besides sleeping late, doing plates and eating skyflakes and cheese because I feel that life has been slowing down and my mind wants speed.
Its weird.
I can't describe what im feeling right now because its really complicated.
Maybe its because of all the research work I've been doing in design.
Madugo kasi.

***

Hanging out with bunny is the best. Bonded less than a week and everytime we'd hang out, it was always fun. Kahit biglang labas ng classroom at mag-hi lang, masaya parin. Even though she won't admit something, i know.

2004-12-30T07:58:00.000-08:00

Quality time with glue, illustration board, cutter and some more glue.

Can anybody shake me really hard?

I've been trapped in my own world for about 14 hours, trying to finish my house in a fast yet moderate pace (eh?) to prevent my swollen fingers from oozing blood (or what's left of my blood) from my so called anemic body.
Cool huh.
Afterwhich, I'll cram the "thesis" book my ever-so-creative professor expects us to do. I swear, I haven't felt this irritated with a professor since 1st year highschool. Although I have to admit that all of this could be avoided if I started really early but.. ECK.
I wasn't inspired.
When christmas vacation started, there was a debate going on inside my head that lasted for a week about the if's. If I should be a good student, I should start doing the design shit ASAP.. or be my usual lazy student self and procrastinate away.
In my head last 2 weeks ago, the good student won but soon realized that inspiration is not present at the moment. What's the point of doing it if it would turn out to be just a bunch of crap?
My work would best be labelled nonesense with bold letters.
It would be a work of crap, believe me.
If I should blame someone, the blame goes to the nonexistent inspiration. The inspiration that was late and the inspiration that is not the 100% I was hoping for (this is now).
Oh hell.
I'll just hope and pray I'll be able to finish this in time.

The Scientist by coldplay.

Come up to meet you, tell you I’m sorry
You don’t know how lovely you areI had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions
Oh lets go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a silence apart
Nobody said it was easy
Oh it’s such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said that it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start
I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are
Nobody said it was easy
Oh it’s such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I’m going back to the start
Oh ooh ooh ooh ooh ohh (x4)

All from the days we walked hand in hand.. and how the feel of your hand haunts me to this day.

There are times when memories would undeniably haunt me.
And everytime that happens, I always surrender to the emotions tagging along with it.
Its hard to look back at the past wherein you find yourself enclosed in a tiny booth, watching a video of the mistakes you've made and how you simply walked away, never having to deal with it, drowning it out of your mind and continue life as if nothing has happened.

But the problem is, the memory is still there.

I remembered the saying 3timesfold of witchcraft wherein you do a spell and it would come back to you 3 times the usual one, may it be a bad spell or good. It actually applies to the dilemma I have right now. Everytime the memory is pushed out in the open, the force of emotion it gives me is worse than that of the real one. Actually, this has been happening to me ever since. All the bad things that I choose to forget are the ones I DON'T forget, and the happy ones are the ones dissolving.

Sad.

2004-12-29T08:49:00.000-08:00

Numbness invades my pointer.

If you can see my pointer finger right now, you'll probably scrunch your nose and look away.

YES. It's that bad.

Imagine your finger being unable to move due to the additional rough skin that just turned black and turns even more black-er everytime you stop working. I can't even put lotion or cream on. It would only spread all throughout my fingers, then my hands, making the drafting knife slide and having the risk of wounding my flesh 99% possible.

Black and painful and bloody doesn't seem appealing.

People can be so bastos.

2004-12-28T05:13:00.000-08:00

Went out of a tricycle that has been overdecorated by stereo's with an aching back and hoots from the opposite side of the street.
Talk about a grand entrance.
Insolence is a very common trait I have been encountering constantly. So what happend a while ago was nothing new to me. Ignoring everything is a habit I've mastered ever since I was a kid so it came easy. But having a younger sister experience something like this for the first time, I felt BAD. This has got to be the most sister-ly feeling I've felt in my whole life.
And I didn't like it.

* * *
Shangri-La is never gonna be a place to be. Maybe for the rich it is, but for poor people like me.. megamall is my kind of mall. Although what I like about Shangri-La is the structure and the aura it exudes:
Sophisticated and clean.
But I admit, every once in a while I'd like to stroll around and imagine myself buying expensive furniture for my future penthouse and shop for clothes that can make my bank card bend over.

This has been a ritual for the past 4 years and everytime I do this leaves me with that frustrated feeling to earn money.

We are meant to be FRIENDS.. only.

Had this funny-slash-semiweird text talk with mahal last sunday-monday morning. We actually admitted to each other the monthly crushes we've been having for each other.
After that, everything was back to the casual relationship we have. If awkwardness is this easy to erase in a situation like this, then it only means that we are meant to be friends for a LIFETIME.

Ohyeah.

Save me from the Holidays.

2004-12-27T06:44:00.000-08:00

As I was doing the last plate of drafting shit 2 weeks ago, I swore to myself not to indulge on pastries and other delectable garbs this holiday season. I even told my brother about this and he just laughed at my face.
Huh.
Days rolled by of pure bliss. All I did was to intoxicate myself with the sleep that I was deprived for the last few months and ate less amount of food to replenish my unfed youth.
But hey, pure bliss meant being a bum. Being a bum meant being a couch potato. And being a couch potato meant being this lazy human being that is meant to eat consistent amount of food in the days to come.
Because its Christmas time, there’s been a lot of goodies stacked up in the fridge and stacking up is still in the process up to now.

I gained 2 pounds, dammit!

* * *
This year’s Christmas is different from what used to be Christmas last year. It used to be a grand celebration up until the 25th but Christmas day turned out to be just another ordinary day.
Sorry Jesus, but that’s the truth.
Maybe because pessimism is getting control of me lately that has affected the way my feelings turned out. Didn’t feel any excitement at all.
It’s sad, I know, but what the heck.
Maybe next Christmas would be the happy Christmas I was expecting.

My ultimate comfort food.

Skyflakes + Cheese + Choc-0 milk drink = HEAVEN.

One thing’s for sure, SCC never fails to put a smile one my face and my tummy. HAHA.
This is my signature food supplement in school that everybody notices already. So imagine my happy-meter when I found 3-queso de bolas on the table with matching 1 can of skyflakes beside it.
Now, all I need is the milk and I’ll die happy.

Whoever you are…

Thank you for the pink flash and yellow Brazilian havaianas you sent me last Saturday. I have been constantly thinking of persons who might send me that grand of a gift. But I remain clueless to this day.
Whoever you are, salamat.